my mouth tastes like poor choices
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
