Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
