The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
