we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize