Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
