Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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