my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
