just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
