capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
