and you said cock pushups were impossible
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
