Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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