yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
