The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
