I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
When are your genitals available?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
