Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
