I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
