i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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