oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
