eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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