I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize