i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
