i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
