The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
