It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
