??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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