so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
