I think my vagina is haunted
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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