Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
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