So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
