Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
