4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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