i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
PANTIES FOUND
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