Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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