i don't like sucking hair
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
