i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
