I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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