You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize