the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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