Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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