Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
