i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
