I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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