He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Sorry my hands just texted you
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
