You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize