My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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