My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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