He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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