seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
