we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Randomize
