There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
