After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
