You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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