I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
