i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
