can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
