That's when you crack a 10am beer
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
