After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
