Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
