I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
