thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
