Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
