I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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