hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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