I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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