i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
