So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
