So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
