Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
