You really coming over, don't trick.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just tell him i said nine months
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
