that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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