Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I did not marry a roomba.
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