I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
