Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
