I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize