He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
