Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
