i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the day after is always just damage control
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize