Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
