After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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