I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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