9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
