I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
