peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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