atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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