dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Sober January is a disaster.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
