Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
