I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
