Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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