Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
