Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize