i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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