so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
