yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
