also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
