So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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