tequila makes me forget i have legs
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
did you just send me my own nude
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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