smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
