It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
