Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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