so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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