i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
