Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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