did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
